Modeling Poem #3

66. Write a poem made up entirely of excuses

Funny excuses for being late for work

Do you know how long it takes to give a dollar to every Santa you see?
I had to show the new worker something.
Your watch must be fast.
I wasn’t late. I just failed to be on time.
Want to talk about it over a bite to eat?
I fell asleep in the shower.
I ran into a parade.
I was too busy sleeping to be on time.
I had a top level meeting with George Bush.
Could you please repeat the question?
I saw Elvis.
I had to catch a Pokemon.
I couldn’t find my clothes.
(Source: http://www.toddolivas.com/blog/48-Funny-Excuses-For-Being-Late-For-Work.asp,m, last visited Sun, November 16, 2008)

Funny school excuses

My alarm clock didn't go off because it was upset with me. It felt that I was ignoring it and that I didn't give it the time of day.
My foot went asleep this morning. It refused to wake up. I ended up hopping on one foot to get to school.
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute (sic!) him.
Dear School: Excuses
Please ekscuse (sic!) John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33 (!).
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
I didn't come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick, but thankfully I wasn't!
Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won't start so I had to send it back to Salem for repairs!
I'm sorry but my baby sitter flushed my homework down the toilet.
(Source: http://www.clown-ministry.com/Articles/funny-jokes/actual-school-excuse-notes.html, last visited Sun, November 16, 2008)

In this modeling poem I chose option 66, the “Excuses list”, so I wrote a poem made up entirely of excuses. There were so many options, it was very hard to decide which one to choose, I liked many of them, but I have to admit I am not really fond of experimental poetry. This is funny and entertaining in a way, but sometimes tiring and hard to follow. I know quite well the French OuLiPo movement; I have already participated in a workshop like that and heard a lot of “innovative” ideas about poetry, but I still prefer conventional forms and meters which is considered to be “high poetry” by people in general. Googlism is certainly funny, I have checked it out, but finally I chose the excuses. At first I wanted to write something “original” on my own, then I had to realize that it must have been very hard and almost impossible to do so, so I used Internet to help me find good excuses. Fortunately, some funny excuses popped up instead of the usual boring “Sorry, I can’t go here and there…” things. This seemed to be more interesting and inviting, so I just picked some of the funny excuses at random. I created two major kinds of excuses: excuses for being late from work and funny school excuses including some parent-written justifications which were even funnier than the “artificially” created ones as they contain parents’ mistakes. At first I was afraid of this Internet collage poetry, I felt that this is not “real” work or “real” poetry, but then I thought of Bruce Covey and his poetry and I had to establish that he did the same, and he was very entertaining. There is not a great difference between finding some interesting things on Google or Yahoo and compiling them to have a new work of art and finding some pre-written materials and putting them together to create poetry. As originality is not an expectation nowadays and Internet has greatly changed our world (and poetry as well) I think this is not a “crime” or plagiarism writing poems like mine. I indicated my sources, just in case you wanted go back and read more. Using this collage technique and the net, I think I greatly challenged notions of “mainstream”, traditional poetry. This kind of poem was hardly imaginable in the 19th century (or even in the first half of the 20th century). Not only because of the lack on Internet, but maybe because poets had a tendency to respect traditional forms and classical allusions, rhyme and meter. I know this seems to be a vague generalization, but I have not read this kind of poetry before the 20th century. I can imagine its earlier existence, but it must have been suppressed by mainstream poetry. I think it is always interesting to play around with language (until people are able to follow and enjoy it); the success of e.g. Queneau clearly shows it has its place among the classics in the canon. We should accept that art is constantly changing just like expectations; unified art does not exist anymore as it used to be earlier. Anyway, I have some favorite parent-written excuses, some are very funny, especially the ones where I put “sic!” between brackets.